


Choices We Make

by Skyril



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Angst, Betrayal, Choices, Did I Mention Angst?, Emotional Hurt, Established Relationship, F/M, Love, Opposing sides of a war, Post-Betrayal, Super-angst, hardship, love and war, past relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-25
Updated: 2016-07-25
Packaged: 2018-07-26 17:45:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7583947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skyril/pseuds/Skyril
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Azura joined Corrin in her war against Hoshido.</p><p>But that doesn't mean Azura loves Ryoma any less.</p><p>She struggles with her choice, longing for home but knowing the path she's on is the right one.</p><p>Then Ryoma faces her in battle. She expects to die, but when she wakes up in a cell instead, she has to wonder if, perhaps, he could still care for her. But can he get past his anger at her betrayal and help her escape or will he do what he must and sentence her to death?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Choices We Make

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry. I'm terrible at synopses.  
> If you're this far, I'm already impressed.
> 
> This delightful tale of woe and angst was requested by Thelostwriter [A.K.A. Wolf and Stein]! I wanted to make sure I posted it today because I'm going out of town for a week. Thank you for your prompt. I needed some angst in my life, and you were right, it _was_ a nice kind of challenge. I hope it meets your expectations! ^.^
> 
> Comments and kudos are always very much appreciated!

_She slipped into the room, into the darkness. Her eyes were too blinded by the lights of the hall to see more than shadows and silhouettes even once they had adjusted. But that was ok. She didn’t need to see. She leaned against the wall, her heart racing in her chest. She covered it with the palm of her hand and took slow breaths. Still, it thundered. It always did. She always felt so… alive when she was here… waiting for him._

Azura gasped, waking and sitting up, confusion clear on her face. Where was she? What was--? Her eyes darted back and forth, hazel and shining in the dimness of the tent. She didn’t even recognized where she was, why she was… why she was there. 

Her head aching with the memories, it came back to her.

And she let out a breath, not exactly of relief, but of understanding that cleared her disorientation.

She was in Nohr. Or rather, she was in the Deep Realms, but every day they returned to her world and killed Hoshidans. How she could forget that for even a moment horrified her.

Pangs of guilt struck her heart with every deathly pale face that rose to mind. She knew it was Hoshidans who had hated her, kidnapped her. She knew it was Hoshidans who were going to kill her if Corrin and her small army hadn’t arrived and rescued her… But it was also Hoshidans she grew up with. Hoshidans she called brother, sister, father, mother. It was… It was a Hoshidan she loved still.

_The door opened beside her, and a form entered. Tall, broad shoulders, a wild mane of hair falling down his back. Her heart leapt. “Azura?” His voice was low, warm, quiet like the quiet of the room. “I’m here,” she replied._

“Milady, forgive my bluntness, but are you… quite alright?” Days had passed and still her thoughts were of him.

It was Kaze who has asked the question, gentle Kaze standing beside her, and Azura gave him a small, sad smile. 

She looked up at the hazy sky of the Deep Realm above them, thinking on that question. It hadn’t been very long ago that Corrin rescued her and she joined the fight against Hoshido. In that time she had fought with everything she had, helped her Nohrian comrades and slaughtered her Hoshidan enemies. But it hadn’t been easy. Yes, she believed that the path Corrin had chosen was the correct one, but that didn’t stop Azura’s heart from breaking every time they burned or buried another corpse.

And then… she had even had to fight Takumi. 

Despite their differences in blood, she still saw him as her little brother, and it hurt… It _hurt_ to wage war against him.

She really wasn’t alright. As much as she loved Corrin and her other siblings, she missed Hinoka, Takumi, Sakura… _Ryoma_. She missed home.

She had to take a breath.

And she couldn’t help but wonder _when_ she would have to fight the rest of her Hoshidan family, and sometimes… Many times… she wasn’t sure she would be able to.

It wasn’t her fault any of this was happening. It wasn’t her fault people died on one side or the other. It certainly wasn’t her fault the Hoshidans had refused to believe her innocence, had kidnapped and threatened her… 

And yet her soul felt darkened. She wasn’t sure when or _if_ she would feel whole again.

“I know I… I shouldn’t say it out loud… but I miss Hoshido.” She finally answered, letting the pain she felt fill her eyes as she looked back at the familiar ninja. “I know you must understand.”

More than once Azura had seen a conflicted expression cross his face when he thought no one was watching. He would stare at his hands sometimes like there was something there no one else could see, and, without ever exchanging words with him… Azura understood completely.

The corner of Kaze’s mouth drew up in a false kind smile. “I do understand, Lady Azura. I do.”

_He turned at the sound of her voice, moving towards her through the shadows. “Have you been waiting long?” He asked. He stood before her like a dark spot in the sky where the moon should be, and a smile spread across Azura’s lips at the strange thought. Perhaps he was her New Moon. “I hardly know,” she answered. “Time means very little when I wait for you.”_

Screams of pain filled the air, and every cry sent another tear down Azura’s cheek. 

They were fighting for their lives, trying to escape from the Hoshidans, from—From Ryoma—and Azura just didn’t know if she could take it. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. This wasn’t right. How could she face him? The look of pain in his eyes when he saw her standing beside Corrin burned itself in her memory. It was all she could see. Her eyes were blind to the chaos around her, and nothing pierced her mind but the cries of agony from her enemies. From her friends. From her family. 

As hard as Corrin tried to spare the lives of her enemies, it just wasn’t possible, not on a battlefield, not when every defeated foe at their feet meant one of their own spared. Corrin did what must be done, and Azura could only follow in her wake. 

And they were almost there too. They had their chance to escape. Others were running through, getting away, but Azura… She sensed something and paused.

“Azura!” Her name on his voice sent a spasm through her muscles, and she couldn’t seem to make them move.

She had to run. She had to escape or gather the courage to turn and fight. 

But she couldn’t. She couldn’t do either. The first time she saw him again, she knew she wouldn’t be capable of fighting. Not him, and now… he was standing behind her, and she was frozen to the spot. She shouldn’t look. She didn’t _want_ to look. If she saw his face again, any chance of escape would be crushed. If she saw him again… she would surrender to her fate.

All it took was a glance. A simple glance over her shoulder, and her heart finally shattered.

Ryoma stood there, not ten paces away, and there was anger on his face, Raijinto loosely clasped in his grip. “When the others told me you had betrayed us, I didn’t believe them! I had to see it for myself.” Azura winced. He didn’t understand. But of course he didn’t. How could he? She had never explained. She never had the chance. 

He gripped his sword in both hands, lightening pulsing up and down his blade. She knew he was going to kill her. He had too. She was his enemy. She just couldn’t bring herself to do the same. “You have betrayed us!” His voice broke when he roared the words, and yet lightening was gathering on his katana. Yet another tear slid down Azura’s soft cheek.

“Azura!” This time her name came from a different source. She looked forward again. It was Kaze, ahead of her, eyes wide, running towards her, the only one to realize she hadn’t made it to their escape. But Azura raised her hand, palm out, telling him _no_ , and Kaze stumbled, stricken, conflicted. Her lips tilted up, but he looked only more confused. He yelled her name again, as a question this time, but the blue-haired princess shook her head once and turned around. 

She looked at Ryoma. She wanted his face to be the last thing she ever saw, and… she was ready. A smile formed on her lips just as lightening poured from his blade and into her.

Agony. 

A scream tore itself from her throat before darkness clouded her version.

_She could sense a smile in his voice when he spoke again. “I had trouble getting away.” It was a whisper, and apology. His hands found hers. They were large, calloused from his training. Hers were small, smooth, and yet they fit together perfectly. He raised one to his lips and kissed it. A gentleman. Always such a gentleman. One of the many reasons she loved him so much. “It’s ok,” Azura laughed low. “I’d forgive you anything.”_

Pain, throbbing in her head. A groan from her lips. Where was she? Why… did every muscle in her body _ache_? She shifted, cracked her eyes open slowly, blinking from the light that streamed through the window. 

But something was wrong… The window. Something was wrong with it.

Her eyes fluttered. It was difficult to focus, but she eventually managed it and confirmed what she thought she had seen. 

The window had bars.

She remembered, and her eyes shut again. Her hand massaged her forehead. She was alive. He hadn’t killed her. Why? Why had he kept her?

Metal screeched against metal, and she winced, the sound like sharpened needles in her skull.

“So you’re awake.” She looked up at the sound of his voice. Gruff as it was, some kind of hope still flared in her heart. But his expression was dark, stormy. There was hurt in his eyes and fury emanating from his stance, and she looked away again, ashamed of the delight that had risen with his presence.

Of course. Of course. Of course! She was with Nohr, with Corrin. He was with Hoshido. He was only there to question her.

_“Gods, I’ve missed you,” he breathed. “We never have enough time together.” His warm hands slid up her arms, burning away the chill on her skin with his touch. “I’m happy for the time we do have.” She barely managed to say the words before he lowered his mouth to hers._

“How could you betray me— _us_ —like that? Were we not your family? Did we not love you as our own? First _Corrin_ chooses them, but at least with her, I could almost understand why. But you… I never thought _you_ would betray me…” Azura was sitting up on her pallet, weakly leaning against the stone wall behind her, watching Ryoma as he paced, gestured, talked to her. Talked to himself as well. 

“Did you know I searched for you? When the people stole you away, I followed. I would have gone to the ends of the earth to bring you back, but no…” He looked at her, and the tortured agony in his eyes, the _betrayal_ on his face almost killed her. 

Then in a breath, those feelings shut off again, and there was only anger. “I was told you were with _them_. Our enemies. I told them they were liars. You wouldn’t leave us… Obviously, I was wrong.”

“Ryoma…” She spoke in a hush, all the sorrow she felt evident in her voice. There wasn’t anything she could say. She knew it was impossible to justify her actions to him. But the suffering she had caused agonized her, and she looked at him with all the guilt she felt. “I’m sorry…”

He stared at her. His jaw clenched tight. It wasn’t enough. It wasn’t _close_ to enough, but it was all she could offer.

 _He was always hesitant, gentle, but at the same time… Needy, desperate. He kissed her with a passion, but soft, slow, like he was afraid he might break her. His hands cupped her cheeks, thumbs brushing across her skin, holding her, caressing her like she was porcelain. A moan escaped his lips, quiet, but plaintive, like this was driving him beyond his own level of control. Azura secretly hoped it_ was.

He came again. This time he stood still, watching her, arms crossed, silent. A sort of fury radiated off him in waves. But his voice was low, scathing, when he spoke, and this reversal frightened Azura far more than the wild fire before.

“They’re screaming for your death, you know.”

She flinched with those cold words, looked down. Hinoka? Takumi? Surely not sweet Sakura? Had she hurt them so badly? “Who is?” She asked, almost hoping he would refuse to answer.

“Oh…” He waved his hand. “ _Everyone_.” Tears welled in her eyes. It had been hard enough when she realized Ryoma hated her, but… everyone? 

She blinked to keep them at bay. She couldn’t cry. This was right. She deserved their hate. In many ways, she _had_ betrayed them.

She had escaped death once already. Now it would take what was owed.

And she wouldn’t fight it.

“I see,” she answered.

“I alone argued that you may be more valuable alive then dead,” he spit the words out, and yet… Azura’s eyes widened. She looked up. He had fought for her? Even after… everything? She couldn’t stop the expression of joy. Even if they killed her, she would die knowing not all his tender feelings for her had been completely crushed.

Surprise flashed through his eyes at her reaction. For an instant she even thought she saw something else, confusion, confliction… longing. But then he looked away, and all she could see was his anger. “We caught your _thief_ as well, you know.”

Bafflement. “My… thief?” Who could they--? Her heart skipped a beat.

“He tried to rescue you,” Ryoma scoffed. “Foolish. Another _traitor_ behind bars.”

“Kaze? You captured Kaze? Please, let him go!” Azura pleaded. She thought she had stopped him. She thought he would escape when he realized she was finished. When she awoke behind bars, she took relief in the fact that he would not suffer whatever punishment they deemed suitable for her. She never… She never wanted anyone else to get hurt! “He’s innocent. I thought—“ She shook her head. “I thought he would escape. I can’t… He was just trying to save me… Please…”

“ _Innocent?_ ” Ryoma’s rage seemed only to intensify with every word Azura spoke. “He’s a traitor! He betrayed his people, his own brother, and you want me to just let him go?”

She knew it was hopeless. He wouldn’t grant her request. Of course he couldn’t, but still, she begged. “ _Please_ , Ryoma…”

In a breath he was an inch from her face, and she had never seen him so enraged. “ _I will not let him go!_ ” For the first time in her life, she was afraid of him. It took every ounce of willpower she possessed to keep still, to keep from skittering away from him. He wrapped his hands around her arms and his voice dropped to a hiss and he repeated, “I will _not_ let him go.”

A tear spilled down her cheek before she could stop it, and… As if she had slapped him, he froze. His expression morphed to confusion, to disbelief, to horror. His hands noticeably loosened, but he didn’t let her go. He watched the tear’s descent down her cheek before his eyes returned to hers. And… it was like he was a completely different person. He was _Ryoma_ again, the Ryoma she knew, the Ryoma she loved. 

Her stomach clenched. She hadn’t even realized how much she had missed him.

“Azura, I…” He stopped. He was already so close, but somehow he got closer still. His eyes flickered down her face, and she thought… She thought he might… But then he took a breath, and released her. He turned his back to her, and stood for a moment. Still. Silent.

Then he left without another word.

_His forehead leaned against hers as they fought to catch their breath. “Azura,” he breathed her name. “Thank you for letting me in.” Her hands traced the contours of his face, unbearable joy rising higher and higher inside of her. “Ryoma… Thank you for never giving up.”_

It was late. She didn’t know the time, but she knew everything was silent, everyone was sleeping. She just couldn’t do the same. _He_ kept filling her mind, filling her thoughts, and she stared up at the moon above, thinking of him.

It would be over soon. She was sure. Tomorrow maybe. The day after at the latest. And all she could do was send silent apologies to Kaze. She hadn’t wanted him mixed up in this. His only sin was trying to save her. He didn’t deserve her fate.

A muffled cry of pain shook her from her thoughts. She looked back, a ribbon of fear lacing through her. What was that? _Who_ was that? She went to the bars of her cell, fingers clutching cold metal. Her head tilted in the quiet, listening. 

At first there was nothing, and she wondered if she had imagined the sound in the first place. But then… A clanking. The sound of another cell door opening? Two voices, male, exchanged words. They were hushed, but angry? Confused? Footsteps. Coming closer. She didn’t know what to do. She sat on her mattress. Laid down a split second before the steps crunched outside her cell. 

She slowed her breathing as a key turned in the lock. Someone entered. Her heart thudded so hard, she knew the intruder must be able to hear it. A hand landed softly on her shoulder, and she started. She looked up, not knowing what to expect, _who_ to expect.

“Ryoma?” 

He raised a finger to his lips and gestured for her to rise, to follow. 

Totally lost, she did so, but another figure caught her attention, and she couldn’t stop the hiss that escaped her lips. “ _Kaze_? How are you—”

She caught a glare from Ryoma, a shake of his head, and her lips sealed shut again. A smile softened Kaze’s eyes, and a bit of the tension in Azura’s muscles eased. She looked back at the prince for verification. He gave her a small nod. 

He was… _helping_ them.

Disbelief. 

Her pulse fluttered in her temples. Her head swam, and she almost felt unsteady on her feet. He was helping them—helping _her_ —escape. It didn’t make sense… How could he… Why would he—?

How… after everything… she’d done…?

 _She sighed, entwined her arms around his neck and pulled him down for kiss, delighted that she had such a freedom. She breathed against his lips and whispered, “You should go. Someone will notice you’re missing.” He groaned with regret and brought a lock of her hair to his lips. “I wish we had more time,” he murmured. She twisted her hand in his mane. “I’m glad for the time we have.”_

He led them from the prison in silence. Through the camp, past snoring tents and shifting bodies. Past a lookout, laying on the grassy floor, unconscious. Through forest, through trees rising like dark towers on either side, all the way to a clearing where two horses were tied, pawing at the ground, glancing up with interest and nickering with greeting.

“Ryoma.” She turned to him, unable to remain silent any longer. “Why—?”

“Shh,” he whispered. “Someone could still hear us.” He led her to the horses and helped her mount one. “I already set a false trail to the north.” He murmured, glancing at the Ninja as Kaze mounted his own horse. "Go south. My last intel suggested Corrin and her army were headed to Cheve.”

“Lord Ryoma,” Kaze spoke for the first time. “I don’t understand this, but… thank you.”

“Thank Azura,” he grunted in answer. He handed her the reins and looked at her. “Travel in darkness. Sleep in daylight, and…” Almost reluctantly, he added, “Be careful. Don’t get caught again.” He turned away without even waiting for acknowledgement.

“Wait, Ryoma, please.” She couldn’t let him leave yet. Not without knowing why. Not without telling him.

His head tilted, but he didn’t face her. “I cannot. I must get back before someone wakes and sounds the alarm.”

“Please, just… why are you helping us?”

He remained silent. So silent she wondered if he would answer her at all, but then he looked into trees before him, shook his head, and said only, “It doesn’t matter.”

But it did! Didn’t he know how much? It mattered more than anything. Kaze murmured something about going, disappearing before they or the prince was caught, but she wouldn’t. She had to say it before they left… In case this was the last time she ever had the chance. “Ryoma, you know I… I love you.”

Again, he paused, and when his answer came, it was so quiet Azura almost missed it. “I know,” was all he said. Then he spun and slapped his hand on her horse’s flank. “Now go!” The horse reared, whinnying with surprise, and Azura grasped hold as it leapt forward. But her eyes turned back, watching Ryoma, watching as he turned and ran, fled back the way they had come. Watching the trees, even once he had disappeared, the white moonlight glowing on the dampness down her cheeks, and only the wind catching her whispered _farewell._

_He stepped backwards, her tiny hand still clasped in his. Neither of them were eager to let go._

_But they had to._

_When he opened the door, he turned back, looking at her one last time, his eyes searching her face, his mouth turning up at the view. “You know I love you, Azura.”_

_She smiled. “I know.”_

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. I haven't actually played Conquest yet, but with google's help, I gathered that there was an escape mission in Macareth. Chapter 12, I believe? And Ryoma was the boss with Saizo and Kagero as well. The chapter after that is a battle in Cheve, so I looked up a map of Fateslandia and saw the Cheve was clearly south of Macareth.
> 
> 2\. Kaze.  
> Ok, I figured Kaze would struggle with the choice he made. Turning against not only his entire nation but his brother as well... I figured he and Azura would understand each other well. And the support in Birthright makes it clear he's just as loyal to her as he is to Corrin. 
> 
> 3\. All of the flashback paragraphs... I pictured the two of them sneaking away to some secret place in the castle, but they couldn't stay there long. Not with their brothers and sisters and Ryoma's retainers sure to notice them missing. 
> 
> 4\. Ryoma super-angry that Azura asks him to let Kaze go.  
> A. I tried to look at this from his POV. He's still terribly in love with her, but he's fighting it, denying it, smothering it with his rage and disappointment. But then Kaze, so desperate to rescue her even though it would have been impossible. And now Azura, desperate to ensure Kaze's safety.  
> Jealousy strikes. Irrational, of course, because in his heart, he knows she's still in love with _him_ , but still, it makes him doubt.  
> B. Then there's the fact that she dares ask in the first place. Not once did she beg Ryoma for her own life. Not once did she offer an explanation. Not once did she speak more than two words... Until he mentioned Kaze. No matter how he goaded her, or yelled at her, or lied to her about her siblings hating her and wishing her dead. She simply accepted her fate. If she had acted even a little remorseful for the path she had chosen, if she asked for forgiveness and told him she loved him, he would have brought her back into his life and damned anyone who dared argue. But she didn't. She asked for Kaze's life instead.  
> C. Finally, he's angry because he knows he'll do it. Because she asked.
> 
> 5\. The way he completely changed when he saw the tear on her cheek.  
> He realized what he'd done.  
> Since they were children, he did everything in his power to open her heart to him, to let him in.  
> He achieved what no one else could. She _did_ let him in.  
>  And then he yelled at her, he grabbed her, he frightened her, and he was horrified at what he had done. He never wanted to be someone she was afraid of. He wanted to be the opposite... The person she went to for comfort... He would have apologized... But there was too much between them... He would have kissed her, but he couldn't hurt her yet more... So he let go and left and did the only thing he could do... Plan for her escape.
> 
> 6\. Well, that's basically it, but... What do you imagine happened in the end? Do they find each other again? Or has too much tragedy ruined their chances?
> 
> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed my little angst-y tale. ^.^


End file.
